posted by ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
palfrey at 05:56pm on 16/05/2004
palfrey at 05:56pm on 16/05/2004Cut because I've been thinking about some things (mostly at least related to sex, but some not, it's kinda complex), and I'd like to write them down.
Remember that I got a "woo" a few days ago? Well it prompted me to think again about a few things. Namely that said person (who is probably going to get a link to this when I'm done) appears to have a certain level of interest in the whole dominance/submission thing, which is one of those things that I've never fully understood. I've just been thinking about it, specifically regarding the whole issue of loss of control. My reflex opinion is that this is a bad thing, but then I thought about it. The flip side of losing control is risk/surprise/possible gain - if there's nothing to be got out of it, then why bother?
One way in my life that I occasionally lose control is via alcohol. Not exactly trying to glamorize that, but I'd say that half the point of getting drunk is to put yourself in an alternate frame of mind, where you're more open to doing various things. There's risk (you may do things you regret, damage to body, etc), but there's also possible gain (everything from not thinking about stressy things for a while, to my possibly having enough courage to actually say certain things to women), so I continue.
Then, we have the whole dominance/submission thing. I've partially explored this to a very limited extent, and it was a lot of fun. I'd mostly ascribed that at the time to it being a new thing, and my generic neophilia, but I think it was more than that. Certain amounts of control were relinquished, in exchange for some surprise. This does of course involve certain levels of risk, depending on how much control you relinquish, but if you trust someone, then you have a reasonable risk model for what they will do, and so therefore the risk of events that you *really* don't want to happen is minimised, and so it's mostly about surprise or the crafting of surprise for another (depending on your current role in the relationship). I don't think I really understood that before.
Random Link: Darker side of legoland
Remember that I got a "woo" a few days ago? Well it prompted me to think again about a few things. Namely that said person (who is probably going to get a link to this when I'm done) appears to have a certain level of interest in the whole dominance/submission thing, which is one of those things that I've never fully understood. I've just been thinking about it, specifically regarding the whole issue of loss of control. My reflex opinion is that this is a bad thing, but then I thought about it. The flip side of losing control is risk/surprise/possible gain - if there's nothing to be got out of it, then why bother?
One way in my life that I occasionally lose control is via alcohol. Not exactly trying to glamorize that, but I'd say that half the point of getting drunk is to put yourself in an alternate frame of mind, where you're more open to doing various things. There's risk (you may do things you regret, damage to body, etc), but there's also possible gain (everything from not thinking about stressy things for a while, to my possibly having enough courage to actually say certain things to women), so I continue.
Then, we have the whole dominance/submission thing. I've partially explored this to a very limited extent, and it was a lot of fun. I'd mostly ascribed that at the time to it being a new thing, and my generic neophilia, but I think it was more than that. Certain amounts of control were relinquished, in exchange for some surprise. This does of course involve certain levels of risk, depending on how much control you relinquish, but if you trust someone, then you have a reasonable risk model for what they will do, and so therefore the risk of events that you *really* don't want to happen is minimised, and so it's mostly about surprise or the crafting of surprise for another (depending on your current role in the relationship). I don't think I really understood that before.
Random Link: Darker side of legoland
thoughtful
(no subject)
It is such a relief to find someone that I can trust to be capable and know what to do and surrender myself to that person. For me, it's about relaxing my usual vigilance and allowing myself to trust another person.
(no subject)
Anyway. When/if I get around this little problem, I intend to continue exploring all of this in forms other than LJ and in my head. Hope springs eternal, etc.