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...appears to be one of those things that I a) have a lot of spare right now it seems, if only for a few weeks and b) is taking longer to pass. It's only been 4 days since I last posted, but it seems more like a week. I'll be thinking that various cds/dvd/etc haven't turned up yet, and then realise I only ordered them 2 days ago, and on a Sunday or something. I'm losing track of time, because there's very few reference points right now.
I have very limited time left in Bristol right now. It's in a large number of ways home. I've much enjoyed these last 3 years. There's been a few down points here and there, but I've learnt and gained so much. Not just the course, but people stuff as well. Memories, ones that I will keep for a long time. Friends, some of which I will hopefully stay in vague contact with. I leave in 17 days, 28th June. I will be leaving the country about a month after that. It's really not that long. I'll be leaving the country that's been home for all my 22 years so far, to spend 4 years in somewhere considerably different. From what I seem to hear/gather for myself, of any of the countries of Europe, the Netherlands is the most similar to the UK, so I guess I'll be able to adapt, but really I don't know.
Could this all fuck up hideously? Yes. Am I worried? Probably not as much as I should be. There's this thing with me and big events in my life - I'm aware I'm leaving in just over 6 weeks in an abstract sense, but it hasn't really sunk in, and probably won't until I've been in the Netherlands for at least a couple of days, once I start to sink into some sort of routine. Uncertianity looms large. Before I came to Bristol, I'd spent almost 20 years in one place, and then I moved here for 3, and enjoyed it, and now I'm about to move again. I've had conversations with some other ppl that moved a fair bit before uni (Shaunna mostly), and they're used to this whole "frequent movement" thing, but I'm not. I just don't know how things will go. I suppose I didn't have this before, because I just assumed I'd get a job or do a PhD in Bristol or something - nothing that needed the level of organisation that my move here will need.
I just don't know anymore. *That's* what's scaring me. In a way I have certainity, because I know what I'm doing until I'm 26 now, but the details of these next 4 years are where the uncertainity is. As far as the PhD project goes, I've got all sorts of ideas, I know where to start, and a couple of initial directions. I *have* purpose, I *have* direction, but the whole "moving to another country" thing is scaring me somewhat.
None of the rest of my family have ever really done this. Both my mum and dad moved considerable distances to go to uni, and then further still to find somewhere to work, but the only person who ever did anything like this was my grandfather, who travelled the world with the navy. He always ate on ship (didn't like "native food", very much the yorkshireman), but he saw a lot of the world. I'm suddenly wishing I could talk to him about this, but I'm about 4 years too late for that. I would have liked to be able to talk to my other grandfather as well, but that's always something I've missed. I think in the month I'm home, I want to talk to Grandma quite a bit, might visit her, I don't know. I think i'm going to have enough of travelling, over the next month, but OTOH a month with my parents will drive me nuts - there's so much of my life they don't know, and I don't/won't tell them.
I'm just gonna focus on good things for the moment. Like the B5 S2 DVD box set that turned up today, and the 11 eps (1/2 a series, ~8hrs15mins) I watched today, along with some GITS:SAC as well. R&R, that's what I'm - and hacking around with a few personal projects.
Oh, random life events. Sold the Xbox to Sam/Oz - bidding war with Dan got it up to £226 - owe him a pint for that :-) Various shit happening soon, parties and wot not. Usual flirty dren with Gwen at sci-fi. Kate commenting "you should be going out" - with me in a vague downer state re: lack of chance of rel'ships giving my shifting around right now, no real opportunities until I settle down in NL. Ah, fuck it. Harmless fun. Been conspiring with Rachel(Kate's housemate)/Sal(friend of Kate) to help Kate/Sam get their act in gear, as neither of them will do anything w/o prodding. Having never met Rachel before, she randomly comes up and says hi in the berkely while out celebrating end of exams (see last post). That was a bit odd.
Will be posting more now I have some free time.
I have very limited time left in Bristol right now. It's in a large number of ways home. I've much enjoyed these last 3 years. There's been a few down points here and there, but I've learnt and gained so much. Not just the course, but people stuff as well. Memories, ones that I will keep for a long time. Friends, some of which I will hopefully stay in vague contact with. I leave in 17 days, 28th June. I will be leaving the country about a month after that. It's really not that long. I'll be leaving the country that's been home for all my 22 years so far, to spend 4 years in somewhere considerably different. From what I seem to hear/gather for myself, of any of the countries of Europe, the Netherlands is the most similar to the UK, so I guess I'll be able to adapt, but really I don't know.
Could this all fuck up hideously? Yes. Am I worried? Probably not as much as I should be. There's this thing with me and big events in my life - I'm aware I'm leaving in just over 6 weeks in an abstract sense, but it hasn't really sunk in, and probably won't until I've been in the Netherlands for at least a couple of days, once I start to sink into some sort of routine. Uncertianity looms large. Before I came to Bristol, I'd spent almost 20 years in one place, and then I moved here for 3, and enjoyed it, and now I'm about to move again. I've had conversations with some other ppl that moved a fair bit before uni (Shaunna mostly), and they're used to this whole "frequent movement" thing, but I'm not. I just don't know how things will go. I suppose I didn't have this before, because I just assumed I'd get a job or do a PhD in Bristol or something - nothing that needed the level of organisation that my move here will need.
I just don't know anymore. *That's* what's scaring me. In a way I have certainity, because I know what I'm doing until I'm 26 now, but the details of these next 4 years are where the uncertainity is. As far as the PhD project goes, I've got all sorts of ideas, I know where to start, and a couple of initial directions. I *have* purpose, I *have* direction, but the whole "moving to another country" thing is scaring me somewhat.
None of the rest of my family have ever really done this. Both my mum and dad moved considerable distances to go to uni, and then further still to find somewhere to work, but the only person who ever did anything like this was my grandfather, who travelled the world with the navy. He always ate on ship (didn't like "native food", very much the yorkshireman), but he saw a lot of the world. I'm suddenly wishing I could talk to him about this, but I'm about 4 years too late for that. I would have liked to be able to talk to my other grandfather as well, but that's always something I've missed. I think in the month I'm home, I want to talk to Grandma quite a bit, might visit her, I don't know. I think i'm going to have enough of travelling, over the next month, but OTOH a month with my parents will drive me nuts - there's so much of my life they don't know, and I don't/won't tell them.
I'm just gonna focus on good things for the moment. Like the B5 S2 DVD box set that turned up today, and the 11 eps (1/2 a series, ~8hrs15mins) I watched today, along with some GITS:SAC as well. R&R, that's what I'm - and hacking around with a few personal projects.
Oh, random life events. Sold the Xbox to Sam/Oz - bidding war with Dan got it up to £226 - owe him a pint for that :-) Various shit happening soon, parties and wot not. Usual flirty dren with Gwen at sci-fi. Kate commenting "you should be going out" - with me in a vague downer state re: lack of chance of rel'ships giving my shifting around right now, no real opportunities until I settle down in NL. Ah, fuck it. Harmless fun. Been conspiring with Rachel(Kate's housemate)/Sal(friend of Kate) to help Kate/Sam get their act in gear, as neither of them will do anything w/o prodding. Having never met Rachel before, she randomly comes up and says hi in the berkely while out celebrating end of exams (see last post). That was a bit odd.
Will be posting more now I have some free time.
contemplative